I got chris browned last night
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
