When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
You ate ashes out of my bong
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
