I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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