I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
