I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
