My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
they call him Oral-B. enough said
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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