now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
