You just made me feel so damn special
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
whose ass print is on the piano?
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
