You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
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