i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
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