I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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