Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
