No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
