I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
you inspire me to be a worse person
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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