So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
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