I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Randomize
