cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Randomize
