My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Randomize
