Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
