Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
