The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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