between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Someone shattered a urinal.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
