I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
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