You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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