Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Randomize
