Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
