I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
