Just fell off a train. Bad.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
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