I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
