I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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