$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
