I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
