Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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