If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
