I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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