my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
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