she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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