Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
