I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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