my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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