Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
