I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
