Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
