I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
Randomize
