He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
