I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
They are going to name an STD after you.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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