you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
