you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
