My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Randomize
