When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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