Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Someone came in the potted fern
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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