I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
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